Now that I am home ...

Hey cool people!

It has been just over one month since I have been home from my four-and-a-half month adventure around Europe. I saw and did some amazing things and had the time of my life. I went on this trip for several reasons, one being that I wanted to live my life with no regrets. Traveling has been something I always wanted to do and when I get older, I can look back and say “I did that,” not “I wish I would have done that.” Now that I have been home for a little bit, I have been faced with a few, admittedly scary questions and challenges. I wanted to take a moment and reflect on how this trip has impacted me and some of the questions and challenges I face now that I am home.

After four-and-a-half months it was nice to no longer be living out of a suitcase. Constantly packing and repacking every two to three days became real old, and, with coming home, I am glad to just be in one place for a while. I am glad to have my privacy again, my own shower, bed, and room. I am glad to be able to see my family and friends. I am glad to be able to cuddle with my pets again. However, I don’t know if I can honestly say I am happy to be home.

When people ask me if I am happy to be home after traveling for so long, my response isn’t an immediate “yes,” but rather “I am happy to be in one place for a while.” This adventure around Europe challenged me; I was constantly forced to push myself outside of my comfort-zone, and I was constantly meeting new and exciting people who shared the passion for travel, who weren’t afraid to leave everything they knew back home and see the world. I think one of the most impactful parts of my trip was to be able to see the world, including the U.S., from a completely different perspective. I questioned what I was doing with my life, what we are doing as a society, and American culture in general. This adventure challenged me each and every day and I am afraid, now that I am home,  I will revert back to the way things were before I left and won’t take the opportunities to continue to grow and challenge myself.

Being home is more scary than exciting for me. I went to Europe with a handful of questions I was hoping to answer, but I came home with more questions unanswered than I went over with. That isn’t a bad thing, but, right now, it is a scary and frustrating thing. I am now faced with having to decide on a career and start ‘adult-ing.’ I have to decide what it is I want to do. What becomes scary about this is I don’t know exactly what I want to do anymore. I spent 6 years studying accounting, and I do enjoy what I do, but, in all honestly, it’s not something I am passionate about. I want to do what I love and love what I do, and I don’t know how to define that phrase.

Now, I have taken a position with a CPA firm and I am excited about this opportunity. They made me a very competitive offer, one that will still allow me to continue to travel every year. This is a great opportunity that will set me up for the future, whatever that may be, and it will help me achieve a few short-term goals that I have set for myself over the course of the next year: getting myself financially stable again, establishing needed experience in the workforce, and getting my CPA. This opportunity is going to allow me to achieve all of that. The fear I have is I will become too comfortable, I will become too complacent, and I will stop challenging myself.

I have a note in my calendar set for a year from now; it reads “Are you better off today than you were a year ago?” The question, for me, goes beyond the obvious. While I will have achieved those short-term goals of mine and on the surface will be better off, the question I am asking goes deeper than that. What I am asking is am I truly happy with where I am at in my life? What I am asking is am I doing what I love and loving what I do, or, at the very least, doing something to get me closer to that point? What I am asking is am I challenging myself and pushing myself out of my comfort-zone or have I just become comfortable with the way things are? I don’t just want to be going through the motions and living the same life as everyone else and that is what I am afraid will happen.

Now that I am home, I am struggling with many unanswered questions as to what it is I want. I understand that these questions may never be answered completely, but in order for me to find answers, I have to challenge myself in what I am doing and the way I think. My biggest fear is getting comfortable with the way things are and one day looking back on my life and thinking “how the fuck did I get here?!” It’s is a lonely feeling at times because it seems like so many people around me are striving for comfort, but, after this summer, I don’t want to be like everyone else. For me, a comfortable life doesn’t necessarily equal a happy life. I want to take what I have experienced over this adventure and continue to challenge myself, search for answers and truly discover what it is I want out of life.